ANGER MANAGEMENT

BY SPHOORTHI REBALA

Most of us are already experiencing the fact that, this COVID-19 pandemic not only affected us physically but also mentally. We are fighting with this devil for both our physical and mental health. But most of us are not able to recognize the fact that we are struggling mentally. These extreme situations made many of us helpless and hopeless, which are making us to fight further problems like Depression, shutting ourselves to the outer world, not able to control our anger or not able to express our anger properly and what not. It’s okay if you’re encountering any of these problems but it’s not okay when you’re not ready to solve these problems or face them.

So, lets face one of these problems today -Anger management.

Most of us recognize that you have to fail on the road to success. We know learning from mistakes is what perseverance is all about. But if that’s true, then the emotions those setbacks unleash are also key ingredients in that process. There’s no point tip-toeing around the fact that everyone gets fed up from time to time. But neurological research hints that anger might lay the groundwork for creativity and can be harnessed to solve problems.

We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems — problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

HOW DO WE EXPRESS IT?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

People generally tend to respond aggressively while expressing anger. It’s natural and sometimes it allows us to defend ourselves when we are attacked. It’s problem when we are not able to control it. People generally use three ways of approaching

· Expressing

· Suppressing

· Calming

In the first type, expressing in an assertive, non-aggressive manner is the healthiest approach. To do this we need to know how to make clear what our needs are and how to meet them without hurting others. And also, it does not mean ourselves being pushy or demanding. We need to respect ourselves and also others.

Unexpressed anger or suppression will lead to conversion or redirection. When you bottle up your anger, suppression happens. Try to stop thinking about it or divert yourself into positive thoughts. It’s more danger because when you don’t express it out, it will turn in- on yourself. This leads to hyper tension, depression, high-blood pressure.

Calming down inside- this means not only controlling your outward behavior but also your internal feelings and responses, take small steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself and let feelings subside.

WANNA KNOW SOME HEALTHY WAYS OF EXPRESSING ANGER?

Play a game- try to learn how to play tennis, golf, table tennis, volleyball, throw-ball etc. Or get some gloves and start hitting punching bag imagining you are bating up the reason which made you angry. Or go to gym, go for a run or a swim.

Keep it on paper- start writing everything you feel on a paper until you calm down.

Start singing songs which matches your feelings where you can shout out and start adding some lines on your own writings. If you don’t know music whatever you create will be the music.

Start dancing to the beat which makes you go crazy. Dance your anger out.

Start drawing- take a piece of paper and some colours and draw whatever comes to mind. Sometimes they turn out to be master pieces.

Use Gestalt technique- Imagine the chair before you, is the person who made you angry. Start talking to the chair, explain everything to the chair, scream at the chair or throw pillows on it. Within minutes your bottled-up rage will calm down and you will be relaxed.

YES, I’M ANGRY. HOW TO CONTROL IT?

Anger can be caused by internal and external events. You might feel mad at a person, an entity like the company you work for, or an event like a traffic jam or a political election. Wherever the feelings come from, you don’t have to let your anger get the better of you. Here are some techniques to help you stay calm.

• Tell yourself to calm down. Slowly repeat gentle phrases to yourself like “take it easy,” “cool off,” or whatever works for you.
• Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humour to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
• Force yourself to leave the situation. Take a time out, walk away, and avoid coming back too soon. Take a walk or go for a run.
• Use visualization to calm down. Close your eyes and picture yourself in your favorite place.
• Count to 10 (or 50 ,100) if you feel like you’re about to do or say something harmful. It’s a quick, easy way to separate yourself mentally from the situation.
• Splash some cold water on your face.
• Slow down and focus on your breathing. Conscious breathing involves taking slow, deep breaths in through your nose, and slowly out through your mouth.
• Phone a friend. Do you have a supportive friend or family member who can lend an ear and calm you down?
• Try to replace negative, angry thoughts with positive, rational ones. Even if you’re feeling upset, remind yourself that getting angry isn’t going to fix the way that you’re feeling.

HOW TO AVOID DISPLACED ANGER?

Be mindful of the real source of your annoyance. Ask yourself, “what is really bothering me?”. Then ask yourself, “what is the worst thing about that?” This will help you pinpoint exactly why you feel bothered.

Let go of resentments.

Acknowledge that your feelings of resentment don’t serve a productive purpose.

Realize that feeling resentment cannot actually change the past.

Accept that you cannot control the actions or feelings of other people.

Forgive if you can forgive or try to forget if you feel that you cannot forgive.

Consider whether you have unexpressed expectations. You might feel mad at another person for doing or not doing something that you expect them to do.

Develop empathy. One of the best ways to avoid getting mad at someone is to truly understand where she is coming from thorough understanding. Getting to know someone better and digging deeper into why she may act a certain way can help you feel empathetic towards her. Compassion will usually override feelings of anger or annoyance.

Practice gratitude. Particularly if the person you’re trying not to be mad at is a loved one, try to picture your life without that person in it.

->Just keep in mind that, this pandemic has made everyone vulnerable. Each and everyone’s actions and thoughts have been influenced by the current situations. Try to remember how they were with you before all it happened, how much you love them. And most importantly

Try to remember constantly how much you love yourselves,

Try to remember that you are not alone,

Try to remember that you are worthy,

Try to remember that you can do things,

Try to remember that things will go normal again,

Try to remember that this too shall pass.

LOVE YOURSELF.